We learn so much from our friends.  You gain so much more…more of everything… insight, knowledge, humor, empathy, etc., by connecting to others.  Enter my friend, Jennifer, from across the pond.  Manchester, specifically.  Her story is amazing!  Jennifer has the kind of Eat- Pray-Love courage, the Under-The-Tuscan-Sun type of courage that inspires you and makes you connect to her instantly.  Jennifer writes a wildy successful blog about the trials and tribulations of a girl who loves her life.  So connect to Jennifer through her journey.  Start here.  Let’s meet Jennifer.  

Who she is:   My name is Jennifer Grace Cook and in August of 2010 I launched my personal blog, An American Girl’s Guide to a Noble Manchester. A Noble Manchester is located at www.anoblemanchester.com

Why she started the blog

I am a 44 year-old screenwriter from Los Angeles and after 20 years in the entertainment industry I woke up one morning to discover that not only was I beaten down by the business but that I was heading straight into early onset menopaul.  At this young age I was experiencing all the signs of menopause, the hot flashes, irregular menstrual cycle, heart palpitations, sleep disruption. While surprising to my OBGYN it’s not unheard of for women my age to experience it and my family history suggested a predisposition to early onset, but I was absolutely blindsided. I was just learning to love the idea of being fabulous and 40.

Now, for me it wasn’t just a matter of can I have a baby? It was can I be in a loving relationship? Can I love and be loved by the kind of man I would want to have a baby with?  What I realized was that I had spent my 20s and 30s creating a career and a lifestyle and I was learning how to be in healthy, loving and empowering relationships but I was having trouble navigating between career and personal life. What I understood was, in an effort to get the things I wanted in my career, I couldn’t be vulnerable anymore. I had trained that quality out of myself, I was a cold and inaccessible woman, and so my ambition was counter intuitive to a healthy personal life. I had to find a way to change, to allow myself to be vulnerable to allow myself to be available to love.

I was living a third of the life I was capable of living and I knew I had to change. So I decided to force myself into a vulnerable place. I decided to combine my personal life with my career and I took an enormous 6-month risk and moved from LA to Manchester, England where I am documenting, via blog, my search for noble love and nobility of character. My belief is when Irecognize it in others, kindness, generosity, integrity, inspiration and passion; all the things that make up a noble character, those qualities will also become apparent in me. I endeavor to a lead with an authenticity, a purity, a kind of humanity that will then make me attractive to the kind of man I want to be with, the kind of man I’d want to raise a child with.

The journey across the pond

Living in England feels like something of a miracle. Even though we have similar social structures and so much of American culture, our entertainment etc dominates over here I’m suddenly paying very close attention to the experiences and people I encounter. So the miracle is that I pay attention to everything. People, interactions, and I engage in a very open way, without any kind of preconceived notion. I’m relying solely upon my gut.

It’s forcing a new perspective. I do this thing where, while writing, when I feel stuck, when I know I’m not exploring the whole possibility, what I’ll do is literally get up and stand on the kitchen table, or the desk or wherever I am and just take a look around the room. I feel like you have to constantly invite yourself to look at things from another angle. And so when you ask what it’s like to cross the pond, it 

And being here, well I am different than I thought I would be. England is actually kind of what I thought it would be, not a lot of surprises. But I am different. I’m not as smooth as I thought I would be. I stumble a lot, I’m off balance – quite literally, the cobblestones are hard to walk on and also figuratively, which is exactly what I intended. And my life lessons are happening quickly. I feel like I’m learning at that increased rate that babies learn at.

Americans are a very powerful breed and America became America in just over 200 years. That is impressive, all that has been built; the cities, the culture. Americans are forthright and ambitious and dynamic and we make our presence known. We have no trouble selling ourselves or finding the initiative or gumption to seize the day. So as an American I have that in me, that indomitable vision.

Since I came on this journey I often hear, “You are so brave.” And I don’t feel brave at all. I just feel like it had to be done. I had to change and I wanted to do it in this kind of large way. But I think there is a delicacy that I lack, that Americans lack.  It’s a delicacy that I’ve learned is actually necessary. The truth is, what I see is that America is about ‘result’ and England (and Europe to a large degree) is about ‘process.’ And the process sometimes requires delicacy and finesse. Neither of which are my “go to attributes.” So my largest lessons have been how to communicate with people in an authentic and sensitive way. How to initiate and fortify genuine friendships without expectation. How to just give. How to make a relevant and valued contribution. And all of this can be a little clunky. But I’ve become patient with myself and I’m paying attention, so my growth is quite rapid and I feel like the work I’m doing is so very important.

My writing is growing as well, the blog and journey began as a search for a man and it has evolved into a holistic willingness to see nobility in others. The lessons I’m sharing I think are valuable. And I am lucky that I’ve been able to come and do this, that I have the support and ability to take this time to revolutionize myself in this rather comprehensive and significant way.

Men, Foreign and American Men and Friends

Initially when I launched the blog here in Manchester, which was in January; content from August through December told the story of who I was and how I came to the decision to come to Manchester, but when I launched in January I had some local and regional press so I got a number of e-mails from men who wanted to date me. And I knew that the man I was looking for, the man I would end up with wasn’t going to be one of the men who contacted me straight out of the gate. I knew that I had a kind of spiritual connection to him and I had a journey to go on so finding him would probably happen at the end of it or pretty close to the end because I wasn’t ready for him just yet. I knew he wasn’t going to be the first guy who sent me an e-mail on day one.

And I learned pretty quickly that those men who contacted me had their own set of motives. A couple of them were married, one was interested in the attention I was getting in the press, another was caught up in the novelty of it all. These were not the guys I wanted to be on this journey with. And within a few weeks I decided I wouldn’t meet men who contacted me via the blog. This process is

Now men are men. Which really means they are people first and foremost. They have the same emotional capacity and same emotional needs as women, they just communicate differently. And every man I’ve ever known is different in that way. Some are super mushy and highly articulate when it comes to expressing themselves and some just can’t be bothered or would rather drive a hot poker through their forehead than talk about how they feel. Men are men no matter where you are. There is absolutely an English reserve, but a lot more sex and nudity, by the way, female and male, on TV, which is still a little confusing despite he reserve. I’ve noticed the people in Manchester are far more open than those in London. And also despite the reserve, because I’m so forthcoming people tend to just roll with it. I’ll talk about anything, again learning about delicacy, but I think my openness creates space for others, men and women to maybe abandon that reserve a bit. There are social constructs that are a little different here. Most people only date one person at a time and people tend to get into relationships quickly here. Marriage is not the end game target that it is in America. Often couples have children together and never marry. That is pretty common here in the UK. And they don’t refer to each other as a “girlfriend” or “boyfriend,” it’s “my partner” which was kind of confusing for me at first because in America gay couples make reference to their “partner”. I thought at first everyone was gay. It’s been funny learning those little nuances.

I think men and women can be friends easier here. And when I watch couples, particularly couples in their 20s they seem to be at such ease with one another, it’s a certain kind of respect and maturity, which is hard to explain. Maybe it’s that there’s not so much a tug of war between them. Men are men in the relationship and women are the women in the relationship and there’s not any kind of confusion that I think American men and women have about roles. I’m hoping to take home a few pointers on this particular subject, because I think we, Americans, have some learning to do in this area.

Where do you see yourself in five years

Well, I will be at the tail end of my 40s in five years, which I suppose will be a significant moment I think and I see myself living in a big city. I am a city girl. I see myself in a committed loving relationship that I will feel such gratitude for because it’s taken me some time to get to the place where I really wanted that or could be good at it. I don’t anticipate or desire perfection, because that’s just no fun. I’m excited to learn what the challenges will be in that relationship. I see myself gracefully working through the challenges. I see family. And maybe children, maybe not but family definitely, and family meaning a collaborative, an effort between my husband/partner, my parents, my immediate family, my friends all pursuing and supported in a common goal of living a good life. An inspired life.

Goals/aspirations?

I want to write a book. And then I want to write another book and then I want to write a couple more books after that just for good measure. Just so I know that the first two books weren’t a fluke and a lucky follow up to the fluke. I want to create a home that’s a sanctuary for those people I love, a place filled with lots of laughter and generosity and compassion, and inspiration. I want to read all

What does happiness mean to you

Happiness to me is the freedom to keep growing. No matter the environment, with family, with friends, in business. And to explain this I will tell you, I’m obsessed tulips. I’m not sure why because I grew up in south Florida and tulips won’t grow there, too hot. But I have for as long as I can remember simply adored them. And I am constantly buying tulips for myself. All spring long, tulips, tulips, tulips. They have a certain grace. They are a highly responsive and sensitive flower. When you put them in water, a friend once told me to always put a penny in the water with them and the tulips would straighten right up. There’s some kind of chemical reaction to the copper in the water and they just respond to the stimuli. And tulips actually continue to grow. They get taller and longer after they’re cut. And you can trim their stems, cut them, and they will grow. They are challenged and they stretch, they thrive. The freedom to do that, being in the environment that will encourage that; that makes me happy, that makes me grateful.

Ever wonder how an “X” came to represent a kiss? Starting in the Middle Ages, people who could not read used an X as a signature. They would kiss this mark as a sign of sincerity. Eventually, the X came to represent the kiss itself.

Researchers say only about 25% to 30% of aging is gene-related.  The rest is decided by how we choose to live.  You have one life…live it well. 

I was in the middle of writing a blog post about Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert, when my friend sent me this (see below.)  Great timing.  I’ll be posting more on this book (because it’s one of my favorite books of all time!)  I’m so excited to see Julia Roberts as Liz in this movie. 

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjay5vgIwt4

The happiest people on earth?  Among them are folks from Copenhagen, Denmark.  Look at the amazing way they live.  After watching this, Copenhagen is definitely on my bucket list.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg-vkW8Wk2A

photo:  Eddie Cibrian  (for inspirational purposes) and in honor of his 36th birthday today, and this “keep it hot” blog post.)

If your romantic relationship has outlived its honeymoon period, you have to take steps to keep it spicy.  It’s not as if it’s an agonizing chore that you have to keep up with day in and day out, making it feel more like mundane routine than pleasure, it’s something you should grow to enjoy and look forward to.  The simple fact of the matter is, you have to give your relationship attention.  And it needs attention every day.  It’s time to rethink your plan of action if you are stuck in a rut.

It’s the tiny things, accumulated over the day, that ignites the spark.  It’s something that literally takes you seconds, but leaves a lasting impression on your spouse.  Try to do these things as often as possible: (Spoken from a girl’s perspective, but it works both ways, men.)

*  Tell him how hot he is.

*  Kiss his lips softly (longer than a quick peck on the lips.)

*  Kiss his neck.

*  Whisper something sexy to him.

*  Send him a racy email picture or video at work.

*  Tell him how much you appreicate him.

*  Tell him he’s sexy!

*  Look at him lustfully.

*  Throw a sexy picture or love note in his briefcase.

*  Call him and tell him you can’t wait for him to come home from work.

*  Dress sexy for him.

*  Always wear sexy (and matching) bra/panties…because yes, they notice.  Trust!

*  Hug on him as much as possible.

*  Be proud of your man (and tell him so.)

*  Be spontaneous and initiate.

*  Be easy to live with.  Point out his positives rather than negatives.

*  Say I love you in a sexy way.

*  Work out and keep your body looking sexy for your spouse.

There’s a million more ways to keep it hot.  Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.  What’s your secret on keeping it hot?

   December can be maddening.  Almost every day of the month is dedicated to making someone else happy…which is a great thing, but don’t forget about yourself.  Take some time to reflect, to appreciate your life, your family, and the good things around you.  Make this year your “first annual” whatever.  Make some memories, start some traditions, do something to make people remember you when you’re gone.  Stay positive and happy this month.  That’s what it’s all about, after all.  This holiday was created around a great and joyous event (remember?)  Fill your home with great scents, indulge in at home spa treatments, take a nap, just take a second for yourself.  Throw an hour of Yoga or Pilates in, and you’re set, girlfriend.  Now go on and take a sec! 

   Sweetest Day is October 18, 2008.   This Saturday!  Take this day and spoil your sweetie.  And be specific, please.  Get them something meaningful, something that means a lot to them.   For instance, I adore orange (fav color) roses.  I also adore Casablanca lilies.  When someone gives me orange roses or Casablanca lilies, I know they thought of me, that they really took the time and thought of what I’d like.  Sometimes what people like is completely unconventional.   I absolutely love getting appliances on Christmas or my birthday (which is the day after Christmas.)   Two of my more favorite gifts of all time were my Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer and my Cuisinart food processor.   So happy, that I rolled around on the bed with them for a while, taking in their loveliness.  My point is, it’s all relative.  Find out what your sweetie loves.  Get to know little details about them.  It makes the gift so much sweeter.  By the way, sweetest day doesn’t have to be about gifts that you buy.  I recommend you head over to my girl, Laura Corn’s, website and get some ideas of what I’m talking about.   www.LauraCorn.com.  You might think that the things you learn there will beat the pants right off of orange roses! 

Okay, so there’s no such thing as “In Love” Day, but it sure is a sweet concept.  Go kiss on someone today.  Or, better yet, go fall in love today.   Nothing is better than being in love!

xoxo